Too far down.

I feel like I have fell to far down in my life.

My story will not start at the beginning because there is too much to try and remember.  I will just start it from where I feel like it has come too far down. 

How far is too far?  How far is it that I can take this elastic rubber band that I call my life?  Just when I think I have fallen off of my ladder and I have already reached the end of my rope; there it is.   There is someone with a lighter burning my other side of my bridge.  

In my current living situation there is my husband, 2 daughters and my self.  My husband has gone back on the road as a truck driver so that we might be able to have finances better for our family.  The last four months have seemed like years.  Stress is not a word that some people see when they look at me.  I think 95% of the people that know me personally do not know my current living situation. 

At this time I am on cut off for my electricity. I have 7 days.  For the last four months I have not had gas coming into my home. This is in part of having a gas leak that I can not afford to get repaired.  This is a major problem because gas is what an essential part of my life.  It is for my hot water, cooking, washing and drying clothes.  Even if I had gas, my hot water heater is not working now.  My stove is no longer in service and 5 months ago my washing machine also broke.  This is overwhelming enough on its own.

Along with everything else that is goin on.  I no long have trash pick up.  It isn't much but I dont have the funds to pay for the 3 months that they make you pay for at the beginning.  My vacuum broke about 7 months ago and it doesnt seem like that is a big deal.  It is not a big deal when you have some of your other things you need but it seems to feel like a closing wall on me.

A month ago, at the end of the street they decided to clear out most of the field.   this caused most of the rodent and snake population to move into our homes.  I can not get that under control. 

It has become so difficult for me to remain positive through so many of these things and I am in such a inside battle.  I don't want to keep up a smile anymore.  I want to just lay down and cry.  I feel like my times get harder.  My light at the end of the tunnel was a lightbulb someone forgot to change. 

I feel too far down.