Belief in a higher power

Tomorrow if I have a chance I will be taking a view point of "a higher power".   I want to write about the beliefs in something that is there that you cant see, or touch.  It is something....call it faith, call it what ever you want...I am goin to call it a relationship with GOD.  to be continued...

Picture day !!

Today I will keep things simple. I sometimes get overwhelmed in what my day or week brings me. With that said, I will post up some pictures. I take pictures as a part of my healing process, it is like my coffee in the morning or my cigarette after a meal. Some people do drugs, I do pictures. It is what I love. Most of the pictures are editoral. This way it can be interpreted in any way the viewer wants to see it. Some are pretty clear and concise. Please enjoy.

How to move on after feeling betrayed.

I come from a large extended family. We have our ups and our downs. We have our stabs in the back and our conversations about each other...amongst each other. We all each known for our own individual personalities. We have the untactful one, the control freak, the hen, the baby, self-centered, the mood swinger, the "my-problem-is-worst-then-yours". Some of use hold two titles. We all talk about each other behind our backs and we all have our own expression of what we dont like about each other. At the end...we still all love each other and have one another's back. I know it sounds crazy, but we are all still family. I think every family does it. I am just putting mine out there.

Me, I am the untactful one. I am the one that will tell you straight to your face what I think. Not to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings. I think I was just not born with that filter; the one that pops up in your head to tell you to stop, think about what you are about to say and tone it down. With all that said, I tell you what is on my mind...I dont do it behind your back. You pretty much always know what is on my mind. I have gotten better. My aunt, she is the baby and she is the center of attention.

I had an aunt that was born with a disability; a majority of everyone in the family has taken a section in thier life to take care of her. I think I was the one with the longest streak. I was also one of the last ones to do it. After my grandmother went in the nursing home, I finished off the payments of her home and continued to live in it. She had let everyone know that it was her wish for me to be the person to remain in the home. I am not the cleanest person. I have a very small 3 bedroom house that at times six people live in it. My husband, our two little ones, his two teenagers and myself. There is not a place for everything. Things dont get fixed like they need to. I dont keep up with it like it needs to be. It isnt easy for me to do everything I need to do and be able to keep everything in order by myself. I am the one that stays home and does 95% of the things that need to be done. My husband works. Well....my husband and I were having problems in our relationship. He proceeded to let me know that he and my aunt....aka the baby; had a conversation on how she is upset with how I destroyed her mother's house. I felt so betrayed.

FIRST, I thought that your husband was suppose to have your back. I thought it was suppose to be that against the world, your husband had your hand to help you get through it. My aunt, we have closeness like best friends and sisters. To know that she is talking mess behind my back. Like throwing me under the bus. She didnt come to me about it. She would make comments to me about how I dont keep my house uncluttered. As time went on I found out that she was talking both sides of me and my husband. Telling him what he wanted to hear and making comments to me about how she didnt like the way he treated me. OK! So are you just trying to play both sides? At this point it has been 11 days since I have talked to her. It may not seem like alot, on a normal basis we talk at least twice a day. She basically put me out there. Made me feel like I have to get everyone's approval for the way I live my life. She made me feel like even though she doesnt like the way this person does this or this person does that, I am the one she feels like she has to talk trash about to my own husband. I dont put her on blast. I dont go to the people she talks about in the family and call her out like that. She has plenty to say about everything. I hear about all of it. I dont go running and telling everyone what she says.

I am not one to hold a grudge. I am not one to dwell on the past. I am pretty good at getting it off my chest and moving forward. I just cant seem to shake this lose. The problem is I dont even think she knows who told me. She has talked so much trash about me behind my back I think she forgot who she told what to. Now I am the only person in the family that talked to her on a regular basis. I dont even know how to move on from here. What am I suppose to do....text her a picture everyday and ask her if my house is clean enough for her. Just because the house belonged to my grandmother am I suppose to get everyone's A'Ok. Yeah she told my husband I was destroying her mother's house. Where did she say to him that he isnt doing his part to fix things that get broken. I guess that is my job too?

Needless to say I dont feel betrayed by one single person. I feel betrayed by the two closest people in my life. How do you move on from this? How do you find that comfort in your heart? I am a work in progress just like most people. I know what alot of my faults are. I wasnt approached in a positive manner. I was approached in a manner of "you do this wrong so therefor I am done". No one is perfect, yet I have two people with just as many imperfections telling me what I have to change and neither one of them owning up to what they need to change in thier own lives. So I am suppose to be perfect? I am the only that needs to change? Were is that fair?

In a picture frame.

I became a mom in the year of 2005. I knew we would not have the money to take all the pictures that I would want to have of my first born.

The day before I went in to have my baby....I went a purchased a small camera. It was so funny. I was standing at the display case at Walmart, hand on the wall looking at the variety of different style cameras. This lady approached me and

said "honey are you ok? Do I need to call the paramedics?" I didn't notice that the way I was standing looked like I was in pain or in labor. I quickly stood up and said "oh no ma'am I was just looking down at the cameras." I went in the following day to have my baby and used my camera right away. A year and 3 months later I had my second child. Needless to say my point and shoot camera came in very handy.

After having both of my kids I continued to stay at home while my husband took on complete finacial responsibiity. We had times were we struggled with bill and I decided to take on anohter child in form of babysitting. A friend of mine had a baby and asked if I could watch her full time. I agreed knowing that this would help out with extra things we needed or wanted at home.

As time went on, I started taking pictures of my friend's baby along with my 2 children. As she posted, emailed and shared the pictures with her friends and family I started getting emails and phone calls from people I didnt know. They were asking if I could take pictures for them.

The next years I have recieved countless phone calls, messages, texts, and other forms of communication to take numerous types of pictures. I started this as basically a hobby and I have enjoyed it so much. I have truely been blessed through the years. I have been able to pay for our Christmas', vacations, birthdays. Everyone tells me that I have a talent. I just look through my lens and try to picture what it would look like "in a picture frame". I have met some pretty awesome people along the way. I remember each and everyone of them. Most all the people that have come into my life through photography have kept in touch. I still remain friends with 90% of them.

Now, both of my two little girls are in school full time. Rather I go to work full time or stay doing pictures as a part time job. I know I will continue to have a camera in my hand. I really love how I have grown as a photographer and I look forward to see how I will continue to find my style in photography.

Keeping marriage life alive along with being a mom.

I think that we have a tendency to forget who we were before we got married and had children. It isnt that we change, it is more like we get lost in being a mom and a wife. We are still intersted in most of the same things that we were before. We have just broaden our interested and see things in a whole different way.

My husband and I have been together for over 7 years and our relationship has gone up and down just like everyone else. I try to keep an open line of communication. Sometimes we dont want to hear what we are doing wrong to listen though. I know what alot of my faults are but that doesnt mean I want someone to point them out. I guess that is why when I told my husband the reason I wasnt happy, he didnt want to listen. I probably sat outside for awhole 2 weeks and sorted things in my head and finally figured out what I needed from my husband to make me happy. It was simple. I didnt want to be "mom" in "our" relationship. I know it sounds crazy. We stopped being romantic. Every morning I get a kiss goodbye and every evening when he gets home I get a kiss hello. That is it though, just a kiss. I want a KISS. I dont want something to is casual. I dont want the same kinda kiss you give the kids. I want to feel the love off his lips.

When we are in a romantic relationship I want to not be called "mom". That is the biggest alcholo swab on a cut. Totally doesnt feel romantic. I told my husband that I wanted it to be less of a job and more like we are enjoying each other's time again. We get so caught up in life. We get so tired of just everyday that we forget what made us love each other to begin with.

My husband and I dont argue much. I have learned that I can keep my ground with out being disrespectful. I have learned to keep my voice and my opionion. I have learned that maintaining my self as an individual has helped keep my marriage romance. It is still a work in progress. That is the deal, it is in progress and regress. I love my life as a mom and as a wife and I dont have to put myself away on a shelf and forget who I am. It is a juggling act that many of us cant keep up with. I hope that I dont drop the ball on any of them. If I do; I will just bend down, pick it up and start over again.

Fast food - fair price?

I recently went to a Popeyes resturant and I wasn't completely happy with them. It never fails, I go to a drive through because I am limited on time and I recieve either: poor customer service, poor food quality or unfair pricing. I realize that the cost of food goes up with the incline of our economic deficeit. Why should customer service decline along with the food quality?

I placed my order and recieved my food. These are the things that gets me. Only a portion of my order was correct. I paid a significant amount of money and I dont feel like I got my money's worth. The chicken was small, and the only thing I was really wanting was the red beans and rice and I didnt even get any. I have called them numerous times to tell them how they have not filled my order to my satisfaction. They are very pleasant in trying to correct it. For the most part they will go out of thier way to make you happy. My problem is, why should I have to call, return back to the resturant and have to even consider wanting to return back to the resturant just to make the order right the second time around. If I didn't like the food so much, I would never go back. It is very pricey at times. Believe me, If I could make thier red beans and rice the way they do; I dont think I would ever return to Popeyes ever again.

Two little ones that changed my world.

This year I am a mother of a 1st grader and a Kindergarder.  It is funny how two kids are so different.  It is not easy learning how to be a parent.  It isnt easy learning how to be a wife. I became both almost the same time.  I was a only child for 18 years and I dont know the dinamics of having a sibling. It isnt like I can go back on my upbringing to reflect on how to handle problems that arise.  I didnt have to share my time or my toys, clothes, room or my mother. For the most part the girls get along.  They fight with each other just as much as they fight "for" each other.

This picture is from our first ever family vacation.  We went to The Dallas World Aquarium.  We enjoyed it. It was nice to go in and have a break from the exausting heat of Dallas, Texas.  Now we are used to the heat of Texas.  We live in the Houston area. It was somewhat on the pricey side if you are more then a family of 4, which we are, but it was nice to walk in and see almost like an inside small scale zoo.  We were able to be at arms lenght of some of the birds and most of the other animals.  We went to the aquarium that is a tunnel.  It could be alittle overwhelming for some if you have a problem with closed in areas.  I am not a fan of the ocean or what lives in it.  This is as close to ocean life as I will ever get to see or visit so it was a safe place for me.

 

 It is a very family friendly place. I would love to visit again next time I am in Dallas, Tx.

My children were "in love:" with the whole experience.  They got to see sharks, penguins and numerious birds upclose that they would not normally be able to see at an average zoo.